Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
