Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
