Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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