All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
