Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
