btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
tell me about the fingering
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