Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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