well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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