This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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