the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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