You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
