somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
