and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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