mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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