Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
