My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Small penises have feelings too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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