haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize