i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
