I am puke
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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