there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
