Who wears a wallet chain?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
