I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize