In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.