I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
