what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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