I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?