dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.