Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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