1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I would fuck him just for his dog
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