Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
