drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
