hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
