You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
