eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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