If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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