why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
