help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
