Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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