i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
