and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
