I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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