Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
