pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
