i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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