Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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