idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize