The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
