seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
