i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my vagina is haunted
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
