i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
