I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you would pick up someone in the library
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
