We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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