remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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