if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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