I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
