Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
