I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
