how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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