I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
