if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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