I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
