Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your cock deserves a montage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
