An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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