I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
