I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want a musical about memes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
