I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
