I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
