Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
