Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
