i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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