Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
