Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
